We all have challenges in our lives. I’m no different. For me, the challenges seem to come in the area of relationships and believing I’m enough. I joke with myself that when I was signing up to come to this earth, I signed up for the advanced relationship course. I’m successful and fortunate in virtually all areas of my life but in relationships I feel like I crash and burn or fail to get off the starting line. I joked with a friend the other day that I should have named this website ‘Chronicles of a Train Wreck’.
I’m very good at keeping people from getting close to me. Everyone is ok as long as they stay at arms length. This is because deep inside I believe they will leave anyway. I’ve had some people leave my life in harsh ways and spent a lot of time in shock. It’s taken me some quality time to untangle the shock and these people’s exits. I’ve learned a lot about myself from these experiences. It’s still a challenge to let anyone in but I flat out refuse to quit trying.
I found myself wondering recently what my life would look like and how I would feel if I assumed people would choose to stay. If I assumed they wouldn’t leave. For me this is like thinking backwards. But maybe by thinking backwards I’ll be able to take some giant steps forward.